Joke Page

Youth at St. Thomas'

The following are examples of posted jokes. Anyone who has access to to CMS Builder on this Website can add their own jokes.

Posted Jokes

Date: Sat, May 16th, 2009 12:00:00 am
Posted by: Michelle
Joke:

"Your boyfriend is cute.  I love that blond hair and those blue eyes."

"Yeah, he's got a twin, too."

"Really!?  Can you tell them apart easily?"

"Well, if you look close, you'll notice that his sister's a brunette and a little shorter than him."

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Date: Fri, Feb 20th, 2009 12:00:00 am
Posted by: Ross (Courtesy of the Lawtons)
Joke:

Children's Science Exam

If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers...

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

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Date: Mon, Feb 9th, 2009 12:00:00 am
Posted by: Ross
Joke:

"The Computer is Down"

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asketh the Lord.

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."

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Date: Mon, Feb 9th, 2009 12:00:00 am
Posted by: Ross
Joke:

Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven."

The boy replied, "I don't think I'll be there... You don't even know your way to the post office."

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Date: Mon, Feb 9th, 2009 12:00:00 am
Posted by: Ross
Joke:

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service
bloopers:

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".
*
Don't let worry kill you--let the church help.
*
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church
and community.
*
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we
have a nursery downstairs.
*
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the
side entrance.
*
Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday
nights. She's used the program herself and has been
growing like crazy!
*
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the
birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs.
Julius Belzer.
*
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and
North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at
both ends.
*
Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social.
All ladies giving milk will please come early.
*
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come
forward and lay an egg on the altar.
*
The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of
the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the
congregation will join in.
*
Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray
the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do
something on the carpet should come forward and do so.
*
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every
kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
*
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration
of some older ones.
*
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation
who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
*
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
"What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
*
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare
privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe
supplied our pulpit.
*
The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
*
The church is glad to have with us today as our guest
minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with
him. After the service we request that all remain in the
sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
*
The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The
congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
*
The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
*
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
*
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in
preparing for the girth of their first child.
*
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items
to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple
children

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